Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Fallback

So, the last few weeks have been a little interesting. I haven't played a concert in about a month, and it's starting to take a toll on my minds rambling. Since I've had so much time to think about, well, everything, it seemed like a good time to get a rant out.
The place that I've been working at for almost two years now is undergoing a corporate renovation. They're taking away my tip cup, which essentially is gas money, and are just trying to ignore the fact that they stay open because of drunks and junkies. The back of our shirts say "I see drunk people". That'll be gone soon. The little family owned place that has been there for me and all the other workers until recently, is turning into another McDonalds. Ok, that's easy enough to get over I guess. So move on to another job. Well, my friend Moe is opening up a place, that seems good enough to work at. And he needs people to make sure it runs well. I go in, talk to him, and suggest some people that I know can help out, and make the place into the kind of place that he wants it to be. Another cook and a baker to be exact. Both people that I work with now at Steakout. So, my friend Jess came in today to drop off some samples of the stuff she took to Moe (which I carted her around town to get the ingredients and recipies) and she told me something fantastic. Moe told her that her and the other guy were pretty much going to work there. And I might not be. Fan-freaking-tastic. The whole point of this was so that I could get out of Steakout and into another place and hey, even work with people that I like. Real quick synopsis. I do work, other people benefit, I get screwed.
This has been happening for way too long. I like helping people, I do. Jess needed a new job, so I found her one. Moe needs a baker, got him one. Mike wanted out of Steakout, done. Me, still at Steakout. Still getting walked all over, and starting to get back into things that it took me too long to get out of before. Now's going to be that time of year that Anth gets super depressed, super introverted, and more outwardly destructive than the rest of the year.
I guess that's what I'm good at, and maybe that's what I'm here for. God doesn't throw things at you that you can't handle. I'm good at being depressed, I'm good at being walked on and used. I've grown accustomed to it. I'll bend over backwards for someone that I just met, because I value relationships. They're really the only thing that matter. Inter-personal matters are what I thrive on. I'll put myself in the poor house if you really need something, not because I like you, but because I know what you want or need is more important to you than it is to me. I thought about ignoring situations like that forever. Just move. It's not that hard, I've got bills, but I can get a job anywhere down south, because I'm from the north, and people down there are just plain dumb. Then some lyrics struck me. "If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find, a way." So regardless of where I move, or what situations I put myself in, I'm going to be the same person. The depressed, flakey, giant teddy bear that'll always be there when you call, and need something and your life is a mess, but that you mysteriously forget about when it's all good. Forever and always, on that downward spiral I fall. Whiney bitch rant done.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Hypocritical Behavior

Since I couldn't sleep this morning, around 7:30 I decided to take a drive around the village and try to clear my mind for the long day I have ahead, and maybe tire myself out enough to fall asleap for a little while before I don't sleep for the next 30 hours or so.
While I was driving down Main street in Williamsville (And debated going to Batavia for the hell of it) I drove by an interesting combination of bumper stickers on a car. To the left of me there was a little Hyundai Accent with a bunch of political bumper stickers. That's not to out of the ordinary in Williamsville. Everyone has some kind of misled agenda, that they really can't support or defend when it comes down to it. The first sticker that caught my eye was a Jack Davis sticker that plainly stated "Save American Jobs-Jack Davis" Fair enough. Our economy sucks, its no secret. And the fact that most of the old industial era jobs are being outsourced to other countries is the main reason. But, come on. You're driving a God-forsaken Hyundai. At least with Toyota they do attempt to give back to the American economy by building plants here and opening a good amount of their own financial instituions (TMCC) in the states. It's put them at the top of the auto manufacturing chain. The only reason they've been flip flopping with GM for the past few quarters is that they can't produce their vehicles fast enough to stay on top, as where GM has more plants, workers, and car lines than is neccesary. They could lose Pontiac and Buick for sure. Chevy is safe, as is Hummer, and GMC, purely based upon the work American, buy American concept. Which brings us back to that damn sticker. Strap that sticker on a Toyota. I'll still disagree with what point you're trying to make, but at least they try. Japan owns most of the United States to begin with. So who cares. But Hyundai? Really?
So where as people do we get off constantly and chronically doing this crap? Saying one thing, but conciously, or sub-conciously doing another. The brain is a fantasic thing. We can convince it to believe whatever we want. Think about it. If there's something you really want to believe, it's not overly hard to make it alright in your head. If I really felt that I needed to start being nice to people, and be considerate, I could probably do that. For the most part though, I'm an asshole. You say something stupid, Ill make sure you know its stupid. And Ill probably make you feel like a worthless piece of crap in front of people that you're trying to impress. I made it a daily ritual in high school. And even now at work. Your a moron, and here's why, in 10 easy steps. Now shut the fuck up. And keep your mouth shut for the next half an hour at least. Because you're that dumb, and I just proved it. And I'm 10 years younger than you. Anyways, back to my original bitchy statement. The kid in that Hyundai was a young college aged hippie looking schmuck. For me those people fall into the same general umbrella category as Agnostics. Which is the "I'm confused and I know I'm confused, and I'm ok with it, so that makes it all ok" category. Wrong. I don't care how confused you are, and how ok you are with being that confused. I still think you're a moron. How bout this. I think you're a moron, and I'm ok with thinking you're a moron, because in my mind you are. So essentially, I just turned you into a moron. And it doesn't matter what you think, because my mind tells me that I'm right. So there. Point in case. You can make your mind think whatever you want it to, which is how people can be "ok" with being so blatently hypocritical and not see a problem with it at all. Drive your import and, hell, vinal graphic the side with buy American. I really don't care. But your still a moron. And I'm still going to call you on it. If everyone could be ok with bitching eachother out without getting your thong in knots then I'd be a little more ok with going out side durring the day, rather than working at night because I hate people so much. Who has a blog and doesn't give a crap that you only function on half a brain or less? Anthony. I thought we've met?