Fake people

I've really had it with fake people. The people that think they can get away with saying things like, oh gosh, he used to be such a nice kid. I don't know what happened to him. But oh well, I can't do anything about it.
Here it is plain and simple. I used to be a drug addict. A couple years straight. Nothing but weed, pills, mushrooms and acid. Did anyone in that time try to do anything about it? No. yeah, my parents probably almost sent me to rehab a couple times. And tried half-assed interventions. At least they tried. Everyone else, who I thought knew me well enough to catch it didn't. The reason this came up is because tonight I recieved an ultamatim from the band. I can't play anymore because I relapsed. Congratulations einstein. No one put two and two together. I had no money, never slept, and lost lots of weight. Everyone just kept saying, "Anth, you're crazy man!" not, are you ok, is something wrong. It made me realize that about 95% of the time, people saying they're doing things because they "care" is really supporting their agendas. Convieniently a new band member, who happened to just move here, and also happened to be someones best friend automatically was shoed in. Imagine that. And I was booted, because someone is worried about me and cares. Bullshit. That's right. I called it. And I'll call it again. Bullshit. I'm not really that upset about not playing, I'm more pissed about the fact that people use at their discretion, my age. If they need to talk down to me theres the "You're only 19, you just don't understand" or the ever popular, "Yeah you're 19 but you're operating on a 30 year olds level." I'm smart, I got it. Stop talking with the baby voice and say it straight. I don't like bullshit, I don't like saying it, or hearing it.
So just to throw it out there, and put it in perspective for everyone here it is:
I relapsed pretty bad. I could've bought a car with what I put up my nose.
I've probably smoked half a forest.
I cleaned out at least half a pharmacy.
But, other people being gluttons, or porn/sex addicts, compulsive liars and thiefs isn't as bad. It's acceptable. As long as their friend doesn't play the same instrument.
Yes I did make that point very specific.

So it looks like it's time to clean out the trailer and get the $2000 worth of gear I bought for these guys back, and turn it over, or put it to much better use somewhere else. But wait, they still want me to be around so they can keep an eye on me and make sure I'm alright. Once again, bullshit. I'm a selfish person. I do things for me. If you've ever gotten anything from me its because you managed to tap into the heart of Anthony that most people don't think exists. So, I can spot that, they want a give take relationship. I give, they take. But all in goodwill of course.

Oh hey, look over there! it's rock bottom. Just seems to keep getting closer. We've gotten very close over the years.

Working, and trying to live around it.

So, chances are, at some point recently, I've talked to you or someone you know about my utterly rediculous job. In Buffalo, our bars are open until 4 in the morning. Probably because it's such a depressed city, that we need all the excess drinking time that we can come across. Anyways, the place I work is essentially the monopoly on the late night food market. We're open until 5Am every day of the week. That one hour after bars close is when we make our money.

Now, imagine catering to those kind of people. Drunk, high, beligerant assholes, who think you owe them the world on a platter, well, at least in East Amherst they do. So we're around to make them food, keep them in line, and occasionally, beat the living shit out of someone(that makes everything else, almost worth it by the way).

Now, put yourself in my shoes. You're young, somewhat of a prodigy at this place, so what do they do? Heap on the responsibility like an Eastern European Bloc grandmother would with a holiday meal. I currently run two stores, help at two others, and may be aquiring another. Stop. I'm 19. I can't even go out to buy the alcohol yet that I should probably be drowning myself with every day. I like the job, but most people can't relate to the environment that I deal with everyday. Everyone thinks they have a hard job, and some of them do. Live my life for a week. Do it for a month. I've been burned out since the age of 16, whether it was the narcotics fault or not, I haven't had a decent chance to grow up and have a little fun.

Last Friday, was the first weekend that I can remember having off, no joke, since April. It's almost August. So what did I do? I hung out with people, that I haven't seen in awhile, got a lot of my mind cleared up and was ready to hit work with all I had when I came back. God laughed at me on that one. It seems that I'm not allowed to have fun. I probably deserved that with all the stuff that I've put in my system over the years.

So after getting a little break, problems at work, get worse. More people quit, someone got indicted, and more of the company is falling apart. Who gets a phone call an hour after he goes to sleep, plastered? This guy. It's gotten to a point where my friend Alex and I have thought about getting buisness cards Stating: "The A-Team, we solve problems". It's funny enough, but seriously, when anything anywhere in the company goes wrong, it's like the Steakout version of the Bat signal. Example: New store opens, we open it and train and get it running well. Someone quits: we train the new people. Someone gets fired: we stay until the problem is fixed.

Recently, Alex and I opened our friend Joshua's store while he was out of town. We cleaned house. But while I was there, my window broke, and now it's getting fixed at some shady back alley lot on the west side, by one of the owners buddies. The saga continues.

It seems like everything is falling apart. And I guess it is. But what keeps bringing me back is that little hint every once in awhile that someone actually does care. My birthday is coming up soon. And I still won't be 21, but, the fact that someone from this magical place that I work is taking care of the whole thing. I never make a big deal out of my birthday. I usually work. But, Alex made some phone calls to the owners making sure that I had off. He's arranging a party for people from work, and then a party for my close friends after that. I've only known Alex for a couple months. He's kept me out of trouble, and gotten me a lot more opportunity than I would've gotten myself. That example was a little specific, but the main point is that, even when you think that the world has let you down, and just to inform you, I should be dead from multiple over-doses by the way, something comes around. When it seems that everything has left you out to dry, you'd be surprised what new things can keep you moving forward. Right now, I have been up for almost 50 hours consecutively. I've polished off gallons of coffee, and gotten to the point that I have been shaking. So, I'm going to fall asleap and hopefully not be woken up by a boss, but a phonecall saying my car is fixed, or, maybe another one from someone else seeing what I'm doing on my day off next week. Who knows. Now I'm rambling. Goodnight