Beginning of the summer tour season.

Last night, since its 5:30 in the morning and I just got out of work, Relevant for the second consecutive year played the National Day of Prayer rally at the University of Buffalo. What's kind of ironic, is that at the same time we were leading worship, literally across the driveway or circle or whatever you want to call it, was essentially the antithesis of what we were doing. At the same time, UB was having "Spring-fest" which is the bringing in of the spring season, with partying, loud music and a whole boatload of debauchery. The simple fact that both of these events happened on the same day is something incredible. Two events that mirror each other, but from other ends of the morality spectrum, should tell us all something about the choices that we all have to make. And how they can affect the future that we hold.
While Jon and Kevin were messing around with the new CB radio that Kevin got, I saw something that made this invisible division so much more transparent than it already was. I was outside Kevin's truck, and behold, one of the few people I've made it a point to block out of my mind strolls right in front of me. My ex-girlfriend Eileen, and a few of her friends were on their way somewhere. When I met this girl, she was the president of the bible club in her high school, and was extremely involved in the church I go to, of which she was not a member and even though she was raised Catholic, had a firm belief in the teachings that come with the particular denomination that I am a part of. Over the course of a couple years, I started to see the backsliding take place, the starting of going to parties, the occasional drinking. I knew the pattern, because I lived it. I guess you could say I started early by the age of 16 I was pretty deep in drugs, a boarder line alcoholic, and according to doctors, should be dead a few times over. It was hard to see this happen to a person I cared so much about. But you can only give so much advice, and it will only go as far as the person on the other end of it is willing to go. We eventually broke up, on Easter nonetheless. And the issue has only become more of the monster for her as it was for me. There's nothing I could do. I admit I said some things that were meant as help, but were taken as stabs at insecurities. As calm and composed as I tried to keep myself, emotions got the best of me and we haven't spoken since.
So when we went back inside, I ran into a few people that I haven't seen in awhile, a guy that I used to work with, who trained me and another that may as well be a sister. These people were going to the event that I was involved with. It reminded me that there's a reason I don't abuse myself anymore. I don't like those people. I was the kid that wouldn't try to, but would out-drink you, endangering myself just to say that I could. The people that believe in and are involved in what I am are the people that I need to surround myself. I'm not perfect, I do have a few drinks from time to time, and I'm still smoking after 4 years. I do my best to help who I can. But people only accept what they want to. Even if it costs them their lives.
So after a long and drawn out reflection, that most likely ran a bunch of circles, I can look at what I'm doing now, compared to what I was doing only a few years ago and see how far I've come. It's incredible to see what God can do with such an enormous mess of a person, who used to only want to live in the moment, but has finally discovered that there's more out there than what you can see in front of you. Let the summer worship season begin.

The first.

As of the last month, I've had a few new developments arise, many of which I don't know what to do with. A couple weeks ago the band that I play in (Relevant Worship) had its CD release. It's something that I've looked forward to before the CD was even recorded. I knew what energy would come from the show, and how much everyone would enjoy it. There were about 1000-1200 people there altogether, I believe that's including the almost 60 person technical support team including 4 Band sound techs, 2 house techs, a video crew of about 10, and after that the other 40 something was made up of volunteers and other house production members. Music is what keeps me going. Unless there needs to be absolute silence, I'm listening to something. In those situations however, I have in ear monitors that block out, outside noise, so essentially I'm always listening to music. Some of the developments that I started to mention earlier would have interfered with that. Currently I manage a local food place that at night, when I'm running the show, caters mostly to drunk people and junkies. I started seeing one of the day managers a few days before my CD release and thought it was a nice change of pace from the work driven single life that I'd been living for the last few months or so. Everything seemed good, until I found out that she was an agnostic that believed in re-incarnation. I don't know how that all works together, but that's besides the point. Everything managed to nose-dive after that, and it was surprisingly for the best. I have a hard time letting people down, especially people that have seemed to take an interest in me as well. Somehow, God managed to work it out so far past my mind that, when I went to work today, everyone asked me what happened with Jess and I. I had no idea what they were talking about. But it further proves that even though we may try as hard as we can to figure out the answer for a problem, God always has something interesting going on in the background. While I was trying to figure out how to get out of the pseudo-relationship I was in, God managed to work me out of it on his own. No problems, no hard feelings. Just, closure.

I suppose as my first post (because Jon got me interested in this blog crap) that this is a new beginning, the seasons are changing on the calendar, as they are in my life. At the end of the summer I won't be a teenager anymore. Something I've been waiting for, for 7 years. And I'll be returning to school in the fall to start making something of myself and hopefully not just fall between the cracks like every other musician in Buffalo and actually do something productive. Tomorrow Relevant is playing at the University of Buffalo for the National Day of Prayer. It'll be an official fresh start and will kick off the summer tour season nicely. Something I just couldn't do with someone that I don't see eye to eye on with my religion. Which is the most important thing for me. That's just something I can't ignore.