Relationships pt.1

So, because I have nothing better to do after I get out of work an hour and a half late (which translates to 730 in the morning and we close at 5) I decided to do a myspace survey. One of the questions was "Do you believe in love?". Clearly this was written by someone in the eleventeen year old age bracket, but that wisdom from the mouths of babes thing isn't too far off. The answer was clearly yes, but let me explain why. Along with all the factors in this. Because, it's 8 in the morning now, and I still don't have anything better to do.
So let's start this off the right way. The world wouldn't exist without love. It's why we're here. God loves us, so he created us. It's a little out of order, give me a break. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for a love that I can't explain, because I can't understand it. It's not possible. So moving over time God loved his people, so he kept them around. Yes, I did just skip thousands of years in a sentance. We move on, even when you think that no one loves you God still does. Don't try pulling that " no one loves me, I have everything, I'm emo" bullshit here. I don't want to hear it. Maybe it's just because you're too much of a moron to catch on, I'll let it slide for now. There's always someone there, even when everything falls apart. I've had my life fall apart a few times. Theres still people around, especially now. I got pretty bad. I still have people everyday that I know I can count on. I love my friends and my family, because, no matter how many stupid things I do, they're still there. That's what keeps me moving on. Knowing that I have people that I need, and that need me as well, gets me through a day when nothing else will. I have a longing desire in my heart to have a family and children someday, but at the same time, it scares me shitless. How am I going to take care of something that important? I have a hard enough time keeping my car clean, I don't even want to get into how much of a mess my room is. But, a kid?!? Are you kidding me? And even before that, a wife? By the way there are no correlations to the responsibilities of a girlfriend, and a life long commitment that you have to live with. Unless theres a problem, and you can't work it out. Abuse and such is allowable. Mostly its bullshit reasons, or people didn't think about it enough anyways. I digress. I can't wait for that responsibility, but I know I won't have it until I'm ready. Financially, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And I don't plan on rushing it, only to mess it up a couple years in. Which I've seen happen way to many times. I want to do it the right way. It doesnt just happen. It's a process, one that I look forward to, and have to change myself over at the same time. There's so much love that we all have to give, but if it's not the right time, then you're just wasting your, and someone elses time and energy. Yeah, theres a reason for everything, but let's try to keep the mistakes to a minimum, right? I've had one legitimate relationship, and a handful of flaky flings, but nothing that I can actually call a loving, connected, heartfelt relationship. That's what I want. I want the responsibility, the feeling and everything that comes with it. It's one of the few things I haven't yet experienced, that I still need to. I'm still 19, almost 20, and I've gone through a lot of rediculous things, and stories that people three times my age don't have. I enjoyed all of it. But of all the things I've done, all the things I've seen, all the things I've been through, this is the one last thing that I think I need to do. And it's not just something I can do and write down in a story book. It's something that I have to live out for the rest of my life. And, I plan on doing it with more care and passion than anything I've ever done. Because that's the way it's supposed to be. Not casual, not half-assed, not pointless. Something that consumes all of you, and you want it to. So ask yourself before you just jump into another relationship, or another group of people. Is this really worth it? I don't want to discourage friendships, just, perhaps, encourage one of the biggest and most important decisions of your life. For everyones, and your own sake. And so you don't have to hear me say, "I told you so" later. Please, please, don't screw it up. By the way, I'm writing this mostly for myself, so that I don't screw anything up, and so hopefully, I can look back on this, and say, "Damn. I'm a genius. I'm glad I listened to me." Yeah, I'm that asshole.